Extra Marital Affairs

Affairs. Betrayal. Tears. For some people an extramarital affair is a deal breaker. For others maybe not.  Affairs happen for many reasons.  Affairs mean different things in different marriages. Some affairs end the marriage; some are the crisis that spur a couple to growth.

DrSara's First Rule of Life is:  If you can't make it better, at least don't make it worse.

Knee jerk reactions almost always make matters worse.

DrSara's Third Rule of Life is:  Never make a major decision in a major mood.

Calling it quits in a crisis, in a fit of anger, betrayal, hurt, and depression often leaves a wound that is slow to heal and can take years to recover from.  Taking the time to really understand what it means leads to better decisions.

The most important thing is to make a wise decision.  Instead of sweeping it under the rug, understand it.  Affairs have layers of meaning and rarely mean the same thing to the injured party as they do to the other.

Wise decisions bring peace.  A good divorce is one where both people agree that it's necessary but sad.  They grieve.  They heal.  They move on. 

But some couples don't divorce.  Some couples work through the anger and the tears and grow.  They grow to understand each other's emotional and sexual needs better.  They grow into a deeper intimacy.  They discover a richer eroticism.  They become more vibrant and more committed as a couple. 

So, if you've experienced betrayal and hurt.  If you're reeling from the pain.  Take your time to grieve.  Feel your feelings.  Go to therapy.  Make your choice wisely.